BaconOst: Bacon Cheese in a Tube
Norway loves it; the rest of the world politely wonders why. Plus, a quick look at “Psych.”
Hit up a Norwegian grocery store, and chances are you’ll find a surprising variety of foods sold in tubes. “Kaviar” – roe – is omnipresent (you can find it at IKEA), but the really fascinating ones are the spreadable cheeses. Bizarre flavor combinations conveniently available in tubes.
I couldn’t find any historical documentation on the phenomenon – Norway’s Folk Museum lacks a “squeezable food” section – but I do know it has roots in “Smelteost,” a type of processed cheese invented by Kavli in 1924. “Smelteost,” like most manufactured spreads, has an indefinable texture – smooth, almost slimy, with a gleaming sheen.
Somewhere along the way, Kavli decided it’d be a good idea to add flavors to their product, with “BaconOst” – “Bacon Cheese” – becoming the most iconic of them all. On paper, it makes sense. People love bacon and cheese, so why not combine them into a squeezable form?
Convenient as the packaging may be, the flavor profiles are shakier. BaconOst doesn’t taste like cheese or bacon, but instead melds the two into an uncanny valley draped in an artificial veneer. The best way I can describe it – and bear with me – is in terms of how we see color. The human eye has three receptors, while the Mantis Shrimp has sixteen. It’s impossible for us to describe the colors the Mantis sees – it’s beyond our bounds of understanding. Similarly, no one can truly describe BaconOst’s flavor. It’s just something that is. Kavli’s flavor-profile page goes a long way to prove the point:
Kavli BaconOst is the classic topping on Norwegian sandwiches! The great taste comes from using Norwegian white cheese with tasty bacon bites. [..] Kavli has listened to consumers, and Kavli BaconOst has 50% more bacon for the sake of taste.1
That’s not a flavor profile; that’s just a confirmation that bacon and cheese are, in fact, part of the package.
Setting all of that aside, the real quandary is whether BaconOst is good. Seeing how I was indoctrinated at a young age, I’m probably not the best judge, but… I’ve always been a fan. Toss down a piece of bread, schmear on some BaconOst, and top with Jarlsberg and salami – you’ve got yourself a good, albeit not healthy, sandwich.
See, Kavli likes to present their product as part of a balanced meal, even though the numbers contradict it. There are redeeming qualities – 56 calories in a serving isn’t too bad, and 4 grams of protein is better than nothing – but 270 milligrams of sodium makes it a non-starter for anyone who cares about their blood pressure. Almost 3 grams of saturated fat is not great, and I doubt zero dietary fiber is the baseline of any healthy diet.
Give BaconOst a shot if you’re in search of the bizarre, but I doubt you’ll be as into it as I am. There are things that you grow up with that you can’t escape, and processed cheese in a tube is one of them.
The Sibling Cheeses
Come for the bacon, stay for the jalapeño – Kavli’s website offers a wide array of tubed cheeses.
RekeOst: Shrimp Cheese. (I guess we got the one up on those insufferable Mantis Shrimp.)
SkinkeOst: Ham Cheese.
MagerOst: Lean Cheese.
JalapeñoOst: Jalapeño Cheese.
Brie.
Cheddar & Chili.
Pepper & Garlic.
Most self-respecting Norwegian-themed stores carry a selection of those products. Scandinavian Specialties is a good pick in Seattle.
Psych – The Pinnacle of Basic Cable Television
Apropos of nothing, let’s throw in a rewatch recommendation for Psych, the USA Network’s mid-aughts comedy-crime series.
For those in need of a refresher, the show follows Shawn Spencer, a “psychic” consultant for the Santa Barbara Police Department. Shawn is, of course, not clairvoyant but rather hyper-observant and good at stitching together clues. Being a “psychic” gives him enough clout to start a detective bureau with his friend Gus, much to the chagrin of his former-cop dad (brilliantly portrayed by Corbin Bernsen – what a pro).
The show is exceptionally funny, stacked with pop-culture references, and rapid-fire dialogue. It also has the best theme song in recent memory – the opening credits show off Psych’s vibes better than any trailer could.
All the show’s eight seasons, plus three made-for-TV movies2, stream on Peacock. For those of you who prefer linear TV, it should come as no surprise that the best network on planet earth, Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, got you covered.
A Linguistic Oversight
In the previous issue, I made a mention of the Norwegian idiom, “the day before the day,” but neglected to include the native wording: “dagen før dagen.” The Digest apologizes.
Sources from the Web
Wikipedia: “Smelteost“ (Oct 5, 2023)
Kavli: “BaconOst” (2024)
Related Weird Foods
Merch for the People!
Don’t just read Awesomeness – wear it! This distinguished publication proudly features two official shirts – or magnets, stickers, or whatever medium you can think of: The Hallgrrrl and Zune. Why those? For one, the Hallmark channel and Riotgrrrl are, as I’ve said before, the natural combination. And, who doesn’t love the Zune?
Go shop at The Better Taster Boutique for only the finest goods.
The original text, for those who are particularly interested: “Kavli BaconOst er klassikeren på norske brødskiver! Den gode smaken kommer av at vi bruker ekte norsk hvitost blandet med smakfulle baconbiter. [..] Kavli har lyttet til forbrukerne og Kavli BaconOst har fått 50% mer bacon for smakens skyld.”
Apparently more movies are in the hopper.
Dang, I wanted to hear your voice.